| Hello Lovelies |
[13 May 2007|10:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 must hide... |
] |
So much has happened...But more later, darlings. I need to log off...at about 1015 ;)
|
|
|
[10 Oct 2006|10:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 I have to pee |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
none, to lazy >_ |
] |
Gah!
I can't decide what to major in!
Whatever I do, I will join the military...don't ask me why *talking to the random little nobodies who are her imaginary friends*
God
Anyway, I want to major in chemistry (me=toxicologist)
or, since I have been told that I am an excellent strategist, history (me=strategist)
I hate this >_<
My mums been up here for the past...four days. She's going home today in about 2 hours. WE couldn't do anything because my father and the stepmother took off, leaving us to deal with their dog. Not that I don't love C.G. or anything, but that was pretty fucking rude.
So, joy. I gotta go back to school tomorrow. Damn it, my fathers pissed beacuse I got a "b" in my math class. Never mind that I completely suck at this type of math. Never mind that I am a year ahead, and will soon be to years ahead. Never mind that I am doing damn well in physics, he's pissed because I am less than perfect. FUCK. YOU.
I've been binging lately, badly, and it's really pissing me off. Started purging again. Started slashing my wrists again.
Father has decided that I get almost no say in what we are building for a house. ALL I WANTED WAS A LIBRARY. But, of course, can't give me that, now can we? Gah!
I've still been keeping up the facade of perfect insane child. Screw it.
|
|
|
[03 Sep 2006|06:18pm] |
I. Hate. School.
Eh
Alot has happened, most of which I
m not in the mood to type about
Today I was described as being sweet
I guess I am...somewhat
Eh
I've been getting into fights with a whole bunch of my upper classmen, and making friends with them.
My peers seem to be under the impression that I am a shy, quiet girl, who talks to herself
Does anyone else (meaning the imaginary people screaming at me) think that this is kind of contradictory?
Eh
Thats the third time I've used that word
Eh
*icecream*
I ate it today
It was nummy
My mask has become weak
I dont know why
It annoys me
At least I've been able to modify it's intellegence level
Aya is annoying me...
Sorry, aya
|
|
|
[05 Aug 2006|01:18am] |
We went to waterside
Dad said we were shopping for me
he lied
I got 2 MAC eyeshadows
and 3 books
I hate him
And I just woke up 2 hours ago after sleeping for 12 hours
now I want my mom to wake up
Lisas getting a Gucci purse
father a new watch
and I get nothing
I want to be a slut
a whore
stupid fat
stupid braces
I want to smoke
stupid mother
I want to cut
but cant find a razorblade
this sucks
|
|
|
[26 Jul 2006|08:50pm] |
I'm reteaching myself piano. I almost gave up a few times, but now I'm determined not to. I binged today.
While in NC I will be taking the following off campus courses:
Piano
Violin
Ballet
horseback riding
and flight.
On top of that, I am at the biggest bitch of a school- I thought we got a lot of homework LAST year. Apparently that is nothing compared to this.
Also, I can take a 3rd language after I've completed 2 years of my desired one, Latin. I plan to take French...I REALLY don't like spanish, their other language.
Also, I have my ABCs...Anorexia, Bulimia, and Cutting.
Swell.
Eh.
|
|
| long post about things |
[16 Jul 2006|10:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sigh |
] |
haha
I'm back where I started this whole thing.
In Vermont
Hillarys decided to go ana
shes up here now
we made bracelets
but
they arent red
and she is not going to start until we get back
so yeah
ive been eating 1000 calories a day since we got up here
and not keeping track
today i ate a lean pocket
some pretzels
an icecream
and a fudge pop
so yeah
I suck
and Im fighting the urge for another fudge pop
soooo
yeah
and i suck
but
shit.
and hillarys good friends with people
and im not
and shes hot
and im not
and shes underweight
and im overweight
so im really jealous.
she is my thinspiration
she wants to get down to 90
that means lose 14 lbs
and shes so gorgeous
im so ugly
i hate her
but i love her
she has the life
damn
and she has often friends and they are male
and mine are imaginary
and it sucks so fucking bad
...
and today we were people watching in downtown burlington
and we saw some really hot goth/punk/skater guys
and some of them talked to us
but then i realized
they weren't looking at me
they were looking at her
and they weren't talking to me
they were talking to her
I need to be thin
and then I will have friends
and then they will look at me
so why cant I stop eating?
My resolve is hardening typing this
But damn
and I want to smoke
but I cant
because I have no where to get cigarretes.
and it sucks.
and I'm fat.
and disgusting.
I know I'm not Hillary's best friend anymore.
I think she would do the friend equivelant of dumping me if she could
but i think that she knows
that shes the only one i have
and all her friends are thin
and gorgeous
so why cant i be?
I must lose weight.
and then
i will be her friend
|
|
|
[13 Jul 2006|09:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 irritated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the offspring |
] |
YOGA IS BORING AS FUCK!
...
That is all
|
|
|
[13 Jul 2006|09:11am] |
|
I'm listening to the song "Photograph" by Nickleback...I don't know why, but everytime I hear this song I want to cry...Is this weird? I just think it's beautiful...kinda like "Pain" by Jimmy Eat world, any songs by A Perfect Circle, and most songs by Three Days Grace...yeah.
|
|
| memories |
[11 Jul 2006|09:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Random |
] |
I was just thinking about Inuyasha fanfiction. i can assume that I was assaulted by these memories due to the fact that the song "forgotten"by Avril Lavigne came on. I tend to do that, associate songs with what anime/manga I was currently in to. In this case, Inuyasha.
Anyway, I first becme interested in Inuyasha 2 years ago, at my Aunts and Uncle's house. It was the first , manga I had read in years, and I became instantly obsessed.
When I got home, I ordered 3 volumes and the IY art book. Instant love. Currently, I have at least 10 volumes.
So I was just thinking about the world of Inuyasha fanfiction. I was such a fucking newbie back then. I knew practically nothing about the fanfiction world, and relied entirely on animespiral.com. I didn't even like fanfiction.net until a year later...I was such an idiot.
The Offspring just came on, causing me to think about Rabun Gap. When I first went there...god. So many mixed emotions. About who I was, what I wanted...I remember confusion. I remember awe. I remember a feeling of superiority...I thought I was better then these sheltered people, I could understand more...and it's true. I could. I remember crying, I remember not knowing anything. I remember the crisp air. And knowing I could never go back. I remember just being alive, and not having to worry about life...not having to worry about my future or if I qualified for anything. Considering doing drugs for the shear Hell of it.
Carol of the bells just came on. One of the rare memories of happiness I have with my father. It was the christmas before last, back when...when I actually liked them. My father and Lisa. We had just bought a tree and placed it in our living room. It was beautiful and huge...I loved it. I remember we had just gotten rid of the horrid sofa, and now had a plush leather couch and arm chair. Hillary came over, and the house was full of the scents of pine and leather. It was dark outside, and this was playing. The new and gorgeous train set was running around the tree, and we all placed up ornaments around the tree. The ornaments were my grandmothers, many of them 100+ years old and hand painted. Oh, I miss her...I have no song to associate her with.
Tismine
|
|
| FUCK! |
[11 Jul 2006|05:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
Shittyassed goddamn motherfucking asshole! What the fuck! Why the fuck do I have to fucking go!
My arm has deep, bright red, and noticible cuts all over it! And, of course, Father is making me go to Seaworld. This means I have to wear a teeshirt. With nothing covering my arms. And spend the night with him. Want to know why? Beacuse he isnt going to see me in a month. Well, guess what, bitch? If I could, I would never see you! Big fucking surprise! FUCK.
|
|
|
[08 Jul 2006|12:57pm] |
 |
You scored as Mysterious. You wish to hide who you are from all those around you. You find it very hard to trust people. You also may enjoy the fun that comes from playing mind games with others around you.My advice Get out there and reveal the true you if only to one person!
|
Mysterious
|
|
100% |
|
Passion
|
|
83% |
|
Eyes full of Pain
|
|
75% |
|
Diamond Eyes
|
|
50% |
What do your eyes reveal about you?(PICS!)
created with QuizFarm.com
And today...I made breakfast! Sausage, muffins, hash browns, and biscuits...all homemade! Meaning they were made of scratch. Granted, I cant eat anything for the rest of the day, but still |
|
|
| lets all put down the knives....okay?...slowely. |
[06 Jul 2006|02:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
Holy FUCK. In 4 days I've lost 3 lbs. 0.0
Woot!
Fuck yeah.
Really fucked up my arm and a section of my calves last night. I've been slathering it with Neosporn...gonna leave some nice scars. Anyway.
I met my mums bf. He's ok, doubt he likes me very much. His daughters bloody annoying. Shes trying to be goth, but didn't even knoe any of the bands. Ugh. So I let her copy some of my cds. And she has no friends that are guys. Pathetic, much? And she bloody <i>giggles.</i> GIGGLES! ugh.
|
|
|
[05 Jul 2006|06:25pm] |
|
Woot! I loooove Duo...new role model, anyone?
|
|
| fuck it |
[02 Jul 2006|09:46pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 damn |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Freak on a leash |
] |
Decided not to cut my hair. i'm not really Hill's friend anymore, she has better ones, so I'm going to cut myself out of her life. Starting by deleting every comment I've ever sent her on myspce. A pathetic act of rebellion. Gonna copy a few down here, just so I don't forget.
May 26, 2006 10:33 PM
I loveth ye, sweet heart! Just had the strangest urge to say that. And now, because I said loveth, I simply must say this; I bite my thumb at you, sir! Heh, I love humor no one get's, especially when It's Shakespearian. Theres one of those stupid moving ads for a ringtone moving above me, it has a pair of hands and this dog on crack running across it. I've been sitting here for the last 5 minutes staring at it, and now I have a headache. The point of that beautiful little anectdote was to tell you this; I have a really dirty mind. I'm serious, nthing is safe from it. For instance, the phrase "grab the puppy", which is what the ad says, erects horrifying and quite dirty images. See? even the most innocent phrases are not safe from me. AND I just said erects. Swell. I am going to kill this laptop, which I have now dubbed the craptop. The stupid 'o' key isn't working! Fucking computer. Anyway, there is this REALLY annoying spawn-of-satan flying around my room, more commnly known as a fly, and it WILL not SHUT THE FUCK UP! I am going to kill that son of a bitch (assuming it's male) when the evil little bastard lands on my head. Again. The previous two times it has done this resulted in me smacking myself. Speaking of which, our neighbor is creepy. Seriously. He's stonier than a fucking biblical execution. FUCKING COMPUTER, TYPE THE FUCKING O'S BEFORE I COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DESTROY YOU! Damnit.
Damnit, Janet, I love you.
Great. Now I've got the rocky horror picture show imprinted on my mind. You know what> I tend to schadenfrude alot, don't I? Assuming that's how that word is spelled, I'm to freaking lazy to go look it up. Oh yea, today I woke up at 1230, and loked at the clock 15 min ago, having not moved THE ENTIRE TIME. For those of you who are idiots, that means 10 hours. Bah. Hmm. Yes, I think I wrote this entirely pointless comment just to rant. Oh well. I'm not deleting it now.
hehe...grab the puppy.
May 26, 2006 10:37 PM
CG just tried to eat the fly. She didn't get it. Damn. OH, and I left something out of my last comment; Ashley left one below, and it's talking ABOUT ME! I am now paranoid. *glares around suspiciously* FUCKING CRAPPY ASS 'O' KEY! eh. love ya.
May 27, 2006 5:07 PM
Haha I'm watching about this dude who was left on Everest to die, and people were passing him buy without even trying to help. Anyway, their was this pissed off dude-(oh! A commercial just came on! It said; "Who am I? I mean, what if we're not- woah, these windows are clean!) mmkay, the dude was really old, and he's saying "Thays a humun bean, an we wuh regare it as are dury" Say it with youre throat all tigh and it sounds like what he was saying. Oh! and I finally caught that damned fly.
May 27, 2006 5:12 PM
This is the 5th time I've watched the Everest video. The silence is getting to me. Fucking anti-social tendancies.
...I have no life.
Anyway, why do the old, ugly guys always survive everest? Why do the pretty ones die? It's a conspiricy, I tell you. A conspericy. Their all out to get me.
Started the Everest video again.
May 27, 2006 5:15 PM
HILLARY RENEE ADAMS! I don't remember how to fucking spell renee, but... WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A LONG TALK ABOUT THE DANGERS OF DRINKING! DO YOU WANT TO HAVE YOU'RE LIVER GET UP AND DIE? DO YOU?! I WILL SICK THE EVIL BABBOONS OF HELL ON YOU! DAMN IT!
...just started the video. again. 7th time, I think.
May 27, 2006 5:27 PM
Started it again...a commercial came on...thought it was really funny, but now I can't remember what the Hell it said... *stabs computer repeatedly*
Speaking of stabbing, I probably should just put all this shit on a pm, but I'm lazy, and don't want to. If I have to suffer, why should I have to do it alone?
OH! and I FINALLY got the fucking doctor to agree with me. So now, IT doesn't make me go to bed till 2am... which also sort of sucks, because Lisa wakes up at 530 (WHORE) and...um, I had this whole rant planned out, but now I can't remember what I was going to say.
And back to my origional topic on knives, I can't find my bautterfly knife ANYWHERE! Damn, and that was my favorite one to. ot the metal one, the wood one.
AND! Fathers finally agreed to get me some throwing knives! YAY!
started the everest thing again. Have it imprinted on my brain. Tried to get rid of it by lamming my head against the wall, but that proved to be just as affective as underwater yodeling.
God, I am so boring.
And now I started it AGAIN! It's a commercial for bennadril this time. I hate that shit, makes me drowsy, and I hate that, because my reflexes get slow.
May 27, 2006 5:33 PM
WAHAHAHA! This time the commercial was for Erectile dysfunction. That's the second time it came up. Anyway, they refered to it as ED's...i'm never going to look at ana or mia the same. Ever. Hmmm.
o__________0
my nose just started bleeding. Don't know why, don't really care.
Started it again. The commercials for BOLD. I think it's for a deoderant brand or something....oh. It's for Ford.
Delete
May 27, 2006 5:34 PM
Dude, I just counted up how many times I've watched it...12 fucking times. Scary.
May 27, 2006 5:37 PM
This one sided conversation is, disturbingly enoug, actually amusing me. Oh, started it again. Anyway, just took my hair out of it's bun, and I realized- even with it being all wavy and messy, it reached the middle of my back. Holy fuck, that's scary...I didn't know it was that long.
May 27, 2006 5:40 PM
I like the taste of blood.
May 27, 2006 5:42 PM
I just realized how that sounded...So now I will explain with out attempting to kill myself what happened. And this is the 3rd time since I last posted...anyway, I was throwing the blade up by the handle, letting it spin, and catching it's point...usually nothing happens, but I wasn't paying attention...oooowwwww....that fucking HURTS!
May 27, 2006 5:49 PM
OH! I finally got what's going on in the Everest video. Some dude with no legs is being blamed for the death of another dude, whom was trapped in a crevace. Smart. Blame the amputee, what's he gonna do, run away? I mean damn. No, don't blame the 40 OTHER PEOPLE, blame the poor fuck who couldn't have saved him anyway. Honestly, what the hell was he supposed to do? Ski down the mountain on his prothsetic legs? Hm, REAL bright idea there.
May 27, 2006 5:57 PM
I watched it three more times...and now my computer is refusing to play it agsin o_0
Stupid rebellious computer.
The grab the puppy commertial is back.
Thought you'd like to know.
It appears I am in a perpetual state of pms
May 27, 2006 6:00 PM
Death to those who appose me.
May 27, 2006 6:07 PM
I am officially scared for life. Searching through random video archives, and I see something entitled "Hard Gay" So me being me, I click it. I really want some little Debbies right now.
BUT!
Some Japanese dude, dressed in a REALLY tigh REALLY short olive leather body suit with rhinestones runs on to the screen. He's in a yahoo office, and he grabs the phone from the receptionist, and proceeds to scream into the phone while apparently raping the hair.
I think I've found something to take over the everest thing.
May 29, 2006 5:49 PM
Tomorrow...sometime tomorrow...it's only a day awaaaaay! *chokes on vomit* anyway...wasn't that song on a car commercial or something? Damnit I still have to pack, been up since 715 but I am so fucking lazy....gonna see if mummy dearest will by me a snake.
toodles!
And the dress...btw...I wore it to this dance IT made me go to. Got tired of it, chucked the skirt, and walked around in my hoopskirt...^_^ can't wait to see you! Admit it, you only want me to get to Hellsing! *sniff* *sob* I don't blame you.
...I smell bacon.
WHY IS THERE BACON IN THE SOAP!
I made it myself!
o___0
I want a pet racoon...but I want a snake more.
BRAIN! Enough with the gutter-ness!
Eh. Gonna stop my rambling before I cause permanent brain damage.
Love you
me
Tismine
|
|
| swell |
[01 Jul 2006|06:53pm] |
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
|
|
| 1800 calories?! Are they insane?! |
[01 Jul 2006|06:34pm] |
Woke up at around 230. Talked to father for an hour, don't have to go to St. Petersburg^_^ Anyway, I found out that the proper amount of calories is supposed to be 1800 calories for my age level. Today I've had about 556. Hopefully less tomorrow. Mother thinks that I've been eating at least 2000 a day...try under a 1000. On a bad day.
Rules
No eating from 7-7
All normal portions must be cut in half.
Propel may be drunk at any given moment.
Three hours must pass before you eat again.
Thats all for now
Tismine
|
|
|
[01 Jul 2006|01:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 fat |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gone forevor, Three days grace |
] |
 I taste of Death.
Doesn't everyone want a taste of death? Well they should. Most people deserve death. Keep away from me unless you think you're better than that. I probably won't like you. What Flavour Are You?
|
Not a good day. Not a good fucking week.
tuesdayHill and I went to Bush Gardens. My father became pissed because you are no longer allowed to bring food into the park (its a scam) and so he took the sandwiches and threw them onto the ground, smearing them. We continued on and rode the rollercoasters. Speaking of, father bought all four of us platinum passes. 1200 fucking dollars. Stupid rich bastard.0 He also forced me to wear a babydoll shirt, one that my mum got me for my birthday, because its light colored. I wanted to wear my normal, baggy shirt. But noooo. It's a fucking dark color, just like everything else I own. So I had to change, and I HATE showing my arms. Anyway, we pretended we were british, and stalked random people, but father and lisa were being pissy and making us follow them. Yes. Well. We primarily stalked a tall dude, with black hair, who had his ears gauged and a whole bunch of peircings...I hate gauges, but he was hot. Truly, people think they look good, but what will they look like when you are 70?! Sheeeesh. *ahem* Spent the night at Hill's, and her boyfriend was coming over at 2am. I was tired, so she promised to wake me up when he called. She didn't.
Wednesday I stayed at Hills all day, even though Father wanted me to come home. Didn't do to bad eating wise, half a ramen, a quarter of a porkchop, and a couple chunks of fried potato. Not to mention, even though I'm going to, countless ghetto popcicles. Anyway, first Kevin, her bf, and his friend came over. hill wanted me to stay inside to watch the munchkin, her sis Kayla. Fine. I'll then Trevor, Trever, whatever, came over, and talked with her. Ok, whatever. They stayed out for like an hour before they went home. T was still here. So yeah. I was silent, like I usually am with strangers. So yeah. Then Phil came over. ok then, I'm still inside reading. Turns out Phil brought his step-brother, now named person. so yeah. I attempted to socialize, but they ignored me. Bullocks for them. So Brendan came over- freaking awesome person, who would have been nice to actually get to know. But now ther was to many people. So finally, skipping over a coiple of events, hill got me to come outside. there were to many people. So I just shut down and stopped moving. Didn't respond. thought I caught Phil looking @ me a couple times, but can't be sure. Prolly just wishfull thinking. Ahem. Finally Phill and person left, and I talked a little bit, but not much. So when T left, he actually said bye to me. I fixed a blank stare on him and he flinched slightly. Good. he should be scared. So yeah, then Brendans little sister came out. I couldn't bring myself to talk. DAMN IT!!!!!! So yeah. Hill got her friend, also called Amanda, to come over. both she and Hill were really close to Brendan. Fuck. So yeah, we just sat there for a while, untill Brendan and jesse had to go in. So finally hill and I went in, and watched the premiere of Blade, the series. A fucking good series if you ask me ^_^
Thursday Worse day yet. We slept on the floor, and I woke up at around 6:00. Hill got up at 6:45. We had to get up this early because the floor people were coming at 7:00 to do the...floor XP yeah. Phil was supposed to come at 9:00, but he never showed up. hill said she'd call after 10am. I was supposed to go home at 12pm, but I agreed. SO after at 10:15, she called him. (We were at the community pool, sitting in the shade since about 930.) They talked for about a half an hour before he came over. He'd get there in 15 minutes. I was happy. Then my father came to get me. Said I had an eyedoctors appointment at 1pm. So we left. When we pulled out at the parking lot, I saw Phil talking to Hill. Then my father starts accusing me of doing things with BRENDAN, of all people. What the Hell? Then we get to the eyedoctors. I can't be a pilot, at least not without laser eye surgery. I'm gonna have to do it. but I WILL be succesful. Anyway, I went back to me mums house for 45 minutes. When she got home, I had this huge....fit, and burst out crying. DAMN IT! AGAIN! Father, for some stupid reason, thought I'd like headphones for me b-day. He got me a $200 pair, not caring that I am perfectly happy with the pair I have now. The seven dollar pair. I'd MUCH rather have makeup, the thing I was stressing on my list that I REALLY wanted. So now I have to bring that up. Anyway, he took me to jean's, for therepy, and he, Lisa, and Jean got pissy because apparently I was being ornery and rebelly. It's called emotional drainage, bitch. Then they took me 2 Granpa Johnsons barbeque, my favorite place, and I binged. Ate a quarter of a burger, anda thing of banana pudding. Worse yet, Laura cohen, my x-friend, was there. She was skinny, her skin and hair flawless, and makeup perfectly applied. I felt so disguster sitting there, my hair dry and in a sloppy bun, my skin black-headed, my body fat, and my heavy eyeliner and mascara shodilly done. Dammit.
today Woke up at fathers insistance at 1pm. Was having a really good dream, can't really remember what it was about, though. Something about a hot gothic harry potter, and over protective mother, my dream library, a mansion, barrels, subspace, danger, dicing, creeptness, and, most importantly, water. So yeah. After I got up, I watched the Terminator 2. Pretty good. Then I read a couple articles on anorexia father has in a book, stole them and a couple movies form him, and left. Managed to not eat anything untill mother came to get me.
Then...I binged. I ate 2 lunchables, a whole bunch of pretzels, and a popcicle. DAMN.
I've also decided to cut my hair. Really short. i don't want to, but I do, you know? Hill wants me to. I'm contemplated whether or notto break off our friendship. Shes been ignoring me, and I don't think she likes me much anymore...
Tismine
|
|
| OMFG!!!! YAAAAAYYYYY |
[26 Jun 2006|06:15am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 yaaaaaayyyyy new cd!!!!!!!!! |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
THREE DAYS GRACE! <3 |
] |
Three Days Grace came out with a new cd! GOODGOODGOODGOOODDGOODGOOOOOOOOOOOD!
I fucking LOVE this band....his voice is so pretty. And I have to do the fitness thing today, I forgot to do it yesterday. Shit. ummmmm....oh! my nails are orange and purple. Mums gonna bitch when she sees that I be on the computer...ooooh, a new song came on! *is obsessed*
Tismine
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
cemeterydragon's journal